Discipleship from a Distance

What do we do when we cannot have a personal role in discipling someone we care about? How do we disciple someone from a distance?

Very simply, discipleship is the practice of helping someone follow Jesus. And discipling is doing some deliberate spiritual good in someone’s life.

In 1 Thessalonians 2:17–3:5, Paul is committed to helping the church in Thessalonica follow Jesus. But there is distance between them. Paul wants to see them face to face, but he is hindered.

Sometimes the distance between us and those we care about is geographical. But sometimes it is relational.

For parents of adult children who are not following Jesus as closely as you would like, there are three steps we see in Paul’s example.

Prize the Relationship

Paul describes being separated from the Thessalonians as being torn away from them. He had great desire to see them face to face. He wanted to be reunited with them because they were his hope, joy, and crown.

Whatever the distance between you and your adult child, prize the relationship.

Do whatever you can to make sure your son or daughter knows you love them. Assure them that you care deeply about your relationship with them and the health of that relationship. Reflect the love that Jesus has for them.

Give them a call. Send them a text. Get on their family calendar for a meal. Travel the distance to go and see them.

Young parents should prize that relationship now. Make yourself someone your children can come to with questions and struggles as they grow up. There comes a time when every son or daughter grows up and leaves home. There does not have to be relational distance when they leave.

Discipling them from a distance is much harder. So leverage the time and influence you have while they are still under your roof.

Prepare to Make Sacrifices

Paul was willing to be left behind in Athens alone so that he could send Timothy to Thessalonica. He sacrificed his own sense of community and a valued partner in ministry so that the Thessalonians could be established and encouraged in their faith.

Sometimes making up relational distance requires sacrifice.

For parents of adult children, one of the greatest sacrifices you can make is to apologize for the big parenting sins from the past.

Confess your parenting sins to your kids. Apologize. Get specific. Do not try to justify it. Admit where you failed them. Ask them to forgive you.

The gospel does not just clean us up. It changes us, and it enables reconciliation to take place.

You do not stop making sacrifices as a parent when your kids get older. If you have an adult child who has wandered away from the faith, show up when they ask you to. Help them when they need you. Do everything you can to make sure they know you love them and want to help them follow Jesus.

Put a Plan in Action

Paul did not send just anyone to Thessalonica. He sent Timothy, and Timothy had a particular mission. He was to establish and exhort them in their faith and report back about how they were doing.

Paul put a plan into action.

If you have prized the relationship and prepared to make sacrifices, think about how you can do some deliberate spiritual good in the life of someone you love.

Maybe it is a meaningful face-to-face conversation. Maybe it is a carefully thought-out resource you can read together. Maybe it is a letter that makes your desires clear. Maybe another family member can have an influence you feel you cannot have.

Choose your words carefully. Think about the context in which you communicate your heart. Pray for them to have ears to hear what you have to say.

We are not just trying to get people back in church. We want them to follow Jesus.

Keep prizing the relationship. Keep making sacrifices. And when the time is right, put your plan into action.

Don’t Stop Laboring

Paul feared that the tempter had tempted the Thessalonians and that his labor would be in vain.

That can be the fear of a parent who has raised a child who is no longer living for the Lord.

But the only way to be sure you have labored in vain is to stop laboring.

We are not done discipling those under our care until we are standing before Jesus.

So prize the relationship. Prepare to make sacrifices. Put a plan into action. When you are hindered from personally discipling someone, do whatever you can to help them grow in their faith.

Whatever you do, don’t stop laboring for those you love.

You can watch this sermon in its entirety on our YouTube page.